Determination

Source: weheartit.com

Determination, something that a person who wants to succeed has. Even those who have had successes fail every now and then, and this "determination" is what helps them get back up. Determination is such a strong drive that when you cannot instantly put it to use towards your goal, it is agony. 

My goal is to perfect my shooting technique, not a gun, a basketball. Not only will I be proud of myself, but I know my team and coach needs me to. I just had a one-on-one shooting practice with my coach today. I heard him repeat my mistakes over and over again, and they were the same mistakes! It is frustrating how I can't permanently fix them even though I know them so well. The results are inconsistent which is awful when it comes to basketball. A little voice in my head keeps telling me that perfection comes with practice, even then not all of my shots will go in, but the percentage will be higher. I can't seem to accept that voice. My determination is kicking into high gear, and I am impatient. I want the right results, and I want it as soon as possible, but the fact that I cannot be working on my shots right this moments is causing me stress and agony. 

Determination exists because one knows the outcome of the achievement and the effects of it will be great. One carries that pressure until the achievement is fulfilled. It makes the desire to accomplish so strong, and ultimately that is what determination truly is: a powerful desire. 

Diagnosed "Overthinker"

            At times I feel like I am the only one with this issue, so I post this in hopes that someone shares this same frustrating quality. Do the tiniest details cycle round and round in your head? My mind analyzes the smallest things over and over again; it's exasperating. It comes to the point where I want to scream at myself to stop. It doesn't happen for everything that goes on in my life, oh dear God imagine how awful that would be. Rather, it just happens for every event which I have felt uncomfortable in or events which I wanted to go really well.

Did I say the right thing? *goes over the conversation a bajillion times* Ahh, I should have said...! What if he/she thought this?! Am I a bad person for...? Should I have..? What if...? 

            They just rack at my brain and won't quit. I may be able to forget about the situation for a little bit, but it comes back, like panic attacks. Over time, it leaves my mind depending on what happened; however, a new situation comes around to torture my mind again. 

Source: http://charleskinbote.tumblr.com/

            I keep trying to tell myself, "If you don't let yourself think about it, then you won't. If you don't let yourself think about it, then you won't. If you don't let yourself think about it, then you won't. Just ignore it. Just ignore the thought! Just ignore it!!!" That helps sometimes, temporarily.

I'm guessing this is just something I'll have to learn to deal with for the rest of my life. Hopefully, I am not the only one like this and do not sound like a complete weirdo. 

Life is a Wave

            

            I say that life is a wave. It is an analogy that I have recently thought a lot about. There are moments in life where we are so high in the clouds, and I don't mean high off of drugs. They are just moments where we are so happy and everything feels right. You're satisfied with the way life is at that moment. You have nothing to worry or stress out about. After a bit of that, the wave tips, and you come crashing down. This is when you start to feel horrible. Why is life like this for you? Do you deserve this? Thoughts of self-harm and suicide might even flow in. A new wave now rises, and you're at a new high again. Things just had a way of working themselves out. You've got people to help you through the rough sea. 

             It's just constantly a cycle. High then low, high then low. The amount of time the intervals last can vary, but it is just that simple pattern. Is that all there really is to it? So when I'm down, I can just think, things will get better. When things are better, I just prepare myself for the crash and come back up again. Why is it so hard though? In the moment, when I'm actually facing the low point, I feel like I'm drowning, as if things can't get better. 

            Right now, I can't fully answer why it is so difficult. Maybe it is hard so that when you do come back up, you are stronger, or maybe it helps you appreciate your happy moments more, maybe it's both. I don't know, but I guess that's part of life. There are many wonders and mysteries in the ocean anyways, so if life is a wave, it makes sense that there is a lot about it that we do not understand completely.